Do you feel overwhelmed? Does it seem like no matter what there is always something holding you back from your true potential? You have a choice to let it continue to burden you, or you can make changes. So often we are told we have a choice but then the idea of the choice fades away. What was explained to us as a choice was actually a way to get us to do something that we otherwise wouldn’t have done. Can you relate to this? Of course you can, we can all think of a few moments recently like this. It is tough to see the signs until you start watching out for them.
Many of the manipulative things people say make it seem as though you have a choice, but in reality it is just a way for them to trick you into doing what they want. A parent may say “you can do your homework now or you can do it while we are all at the fair”. Yes it seems as if the choice has been given to you but they know full well that you have been excited about going to the fair with your friends. The choice has been buried in a tangled web of deception.
Most parents are not doing this with the intention of being manipulative. Most likely the same thing happened to them and they are just doing what they learned. The more accurate way for a parent to express this idea is to say if you don’t get this done before the fair you won’t be able to go to the fair. This is the truth not masked as a choice.
Have you ever been asked where you want to go to lunch?
Of course we all have. How often does the person start with a “where do you want to go to lunch?” You want some of those amazing rolls with that delectable butter, you say Texas Roadhouse. The other person says I’m not that hungry. Well that is a bummer so you say how about Chipotle? The response is no, I just ate there the other day. You try again, how about Freddie’s? “I don’t like that place.” They say “how about Culver’s?” They wanted Culver’s the entire time but they wanted you to feel as though you had a choice. Did you have a choice of where to go to lunch? Yes you do just not with this person. Decisions offered up in the form of choices are not choices at all.
Walk with me for a minute.
What if the next time someone asks where you want to go to lunch you respond with. “I’m going to Texas Roadhouse for lunch. Would you like to join me?” If the Person you are speaking with says no then they can go where they want and you can go where you want. This may sound like you are being a jerk, but really they asked and so they got an answer.
Many choices will change your ability to make other choices. Imagine yourself making a longer term decision, such as choosing to go to school to be a teacher and then later in life deciding to be a pastor. You chose to go to school for one thing and it took you down a path. Going to school to become a teacher has made the decision to be a pastor different from someone who chose earlier on to go to school as a pastor. Just because it’s different doesn’t make it a bad decision. In fact many times a decision like this can prepare you to be empathetic, a great trade for a pastor. It’s much easier to relate to a pastor who has a rocky past than someone who seems to have had an easy life at least from the outside perspective.
Choices mold us to be who we are today.
Choices can take us to the top or leave us broken and hurting at the bottom. Understanding what are choices and what are the manipulations help give us an idea of how to move forward in our life. This is not a list of the choices you should make. It’s a way for you to look at your choices in a different way. Choices are a part of our daily life if we want them or not.
Here is an amazing blog on the psychology of choice!
Submitted by: Bradley Schumacher
